ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she peed on how many people?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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