WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
