I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
