my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you made out with another girl for some wings
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
