You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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