Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
