I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize