you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
