and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is wine microwaveable?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
