i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
