Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
