Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
