i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
