Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
