I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize