I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
