dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
