Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
