someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
