I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
