Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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