He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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