that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
smell my finger.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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