Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
