I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
