She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize