put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
