i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize