We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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