In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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