I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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