I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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