They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
