Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
