He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
