Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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