you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
