My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize