Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
