My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
