the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize