I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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