We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
