I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
