last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
