ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
