i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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