it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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