Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am never drinking with the goths again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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