god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
