addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
