If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
