This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
