Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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