His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
