shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
