I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
