It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
