Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize