i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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