my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
