weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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